#8 : Parents Are Not Helicopters
Throughout history, parents have always proved to be a major
influence in the mindset and character of a child. A strong relationship is
built between them as the child grows and matures. Naturally, parents hover
over their children, trying to keep them out of danger, regulating what they
can and cannot do, influencing them on the choices they make. This discipline
is what shapes the child into becoming the very character he is and,
essentially, always will be. However, as a child begins to move into high
school, it is best for this control to come to a slow halt as children,
especially at that age, need to stumble and learn from their own failures.
It is
known that a parent's job is to aid in the growth and development of a child
and to prepare them for all the obstacles in life before they venture off on
their own. Most parents nowadays find no trouble in disciplining and walking
their children through life. What I am addressing is the issue of over parenting,
helicopter parenting, puppet parenting. What
on earth, you may ask, am I talking about? Well ,you see, parents naturally
detest seeing their children struggle. Parents just hate seeing their children
fail and it's a fact, as stated by Karen Karbo of the New York Times. Therefore, whenever such hectic circumstances
confront the child, parents feel the immediate need to jump in and rescue him
before the child is even able to scope out the roadblock for himself. What most parents do not realize is the need
for young children to be subjected to such difficulties in which they must
struggle through themselves. If parents automatically rush to a child's side,
no matter how minimal the conflict may be, the child will not learn. After all, life is full of daily aggravations
that one must overcome himself, and what kind of parents would you be if you
failed to adequately expose your child to this reality?
In Ann
Hulbert's book entitled Raising America:
Experts, Parents, and a Century of Advice About Children, Hulbert stresses
the fact that "hyperparenting isn't great for anyone's devlopment." Hyperparenting
only "turns mothers and fathers into anxious taskmasters." Then, as a
result, the lot of the child's life is
virtually dependent on his parents. Overparenting, as recent studies documented
by NBC News confirms, only produces "dependent, neurotic and less
open" children. Parents need to learn, no matter how painful it might be,
to just step back a little and let their children develop their own autonomy. Otherwise,
the child may never learn how to care for himself and will remain essentially
in the child mindset throughout his adult years as he is fully unable to cope
with hardwork and stress. A PEW Research
survey conducted in 2011 projected that 40% of individuals aged 18-24 years old
currently lived with their parents, most of which admitted to staying home due
to the fact that they were struggling with their economic conditions,
suggesting that overparenting makes it difficult for the individual to make a
decent living in the real world, without the help of their parents.
That is
not to say, however, that hyperparenting is solely a bad thing. This form of
parenting may, in some ways, be beneficial as sometimes our children need a
little guidance before taking a huge leap forward. Nevertheless, parents still
must learn when it is time to let go and let their children take a stab at life
themselves. The most beneficial parenting involves parents being caretakers, role
models, guides, allowing their children to find content in discovering himself.
As Lisa Firestone says, parents "should be a secure base from which a
child can explore the world," and nothing more than simply that.
Work Cited
Firestone, Lisa.
"The Impact of Overparenting." The Huffington Post.
TheHuffingtonPost.com, 24 Apr. 2012. Web. 15 Mar. 2013.
<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-firestone/overparenting_b_1431720.html>.
Hulbert, Ann.
"Guilty Parents, Ungrateful Kids, Easy Solution." The NY Times. N.p., 14 July 2012. Web. 15 Mar. 2013. <http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/07/14/when-parents-hover-and-kids-dont-grow-up/guilty-parents-ungrateful-kids-and-an-easy-solution>.
Rettner, Rachael.
"€˜Helicopter€™
Parents Have Neurotic Kids." Msnbc.com. N.p., 3 June
2010. Web. 15 Mar. 2013. <http://www.nbcnews.com/id/37493795/ns/health-childrens_health/t/helicopter-parents-have-neurotic-kids/>.
I agree that over-parenting is detrimental, how would we ever be able to function in the real world if we aren't allowed to make our own mistakes from the beginning. I think the hard part for parents is trying to decide where to draw the line between too much help and too little.
ReplyDeleteI know I am a little biased on this issue, but I agree that over-parenting can be harmful for the child. As children turn into teenagers, they often long for freedom away from their parents and to grow to be independent. Teenagers need experiences to grow and develop in order to make their own decisions in the future. Sure, parents can offer great advice, but eventually it will be the child's final decision. The advice given by parents, whether the child openly admits it or not, often comes from the parent's past experiences. Teenagers hear the advice and can take it into account if they wish. The topic of over-parenting reminds me of a statement that we all have probably heard, "I'm your parent, not your friend." Parents do have to learn to find that middle ground between being enough of a parent figure to know when to step in and intercede in their child's life, and when to just give advice hoping that it will help.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that over-parenting can have negative effects. As an only child, I myself am surprised to admit that my parents have given me a tremendous amount of independence in my life. Through this autonomy, I have become more confident in myself and have developed more responsibility for myself than I would have if my parents would have been too controlling. However, I have many friends whose parents are way too strict at times, and I can tell that my friends often choose to disobey their parents simply because they wish to go against this controlling-nature. When parents give their children the freedom to make decisions themselves, with the right balance of parenting, the child will likely make wise choices.
ReplyDeleteI think overparenting leads to rebellion from kids. I feel like kids that come from stricter families are more likely to rebel and do something dangerous just so that they can feel free. Parents do not need to completly leave their child with no rules, but just be there as support and provide help when a child needs it.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that over-parenting is becoming a problem in our society and making children too dependent to function effectively on their own when they become adults. And like Serene, I also agree that over-parenting results in rebellion from the kids. I can personally say that when my parents attempted to "crack down" on rules, I began not to follow them more often. This may just be me, but I feel that many children would have this reaction. The only thing I disagree with is the point that high school should be the point at which parents let go. I actually feel that this point should be determined by the parent, and should often be at an earlier point in a child's life.
ReplyDeleteI agree and I definitely think that over parenting can lead to several bad consequences as well. I have seen several cases in which the parents are trying hard to do the best for their children, but over-do it a bit, leading to rebellion and worse conseuquences.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Over parenting is a bad aspect and can lead to disastrous consequences. It is understandable for parents to overprotect their child though ( them being the first born or the issue of safety) ; however, it ultimately leads to detrimental effects. The child becomes too used to being spoiled and can not think independently or leads to rebellion and other consequences.
ReplyDelete